I've never felt safe and comfortable sleeping at night. If I did, it was so long ago that I have no recollection of it.
Growing up in a house that was not only rife with domestic violence, but illnesses and even vermin, sleep was not something that came easy. If I tried to list all of the things that happened that made it impossible to sleep at night it would look something like
A rat jumped in the bed with us and tried to snatch My baby sister's bottle
My stepfather and mom would get to arguing and fighting
My mothers Tuberculosis, hole in her heart and other illnesses kept her and us up
My mothers loud parties during her drug addict days kept us up
My molester started molesting Me in My bed
An ex broke in My home and tried to beat Me to death in My bed
and the list would go on and on. Sleep has never been a peaceful thing for Me. I can recall nights attempting to stay awake as long as I could, sure that the moment I fell asleep, I'd be sexually assaulted.
Over the years, My nightmares have been full of not only imagery from My past, but also, visions of the present and future. I found Myself constantly battling nightmares that involved Me being kidnapped off the streets.
Overactive neighbors forced Me to install security cameras and an alarm system in the last few years. I couldn't sleep at ngiht due to all the noises around Me. I was constantly getting up to check the windows and doors, making sure I was safe. The alarms and cameras have helped, especially being able to look outside My home from the safety of My bed.
Last year, while on the Crazy Like a Fox Tour, I spoke about My struggles with sleep. Check out the video clip below. Have you ever battled insomnia or had a fear of falling asleep? How did you conquer it?
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